Done for the "Applause" section in the school newspaper (The Alligator).     
Unfortunately it never was printed.  Completed 3/23/92.     

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow     
By:  Dan Wright
     
     About the time I was in the 8th grade I remember getting my hair cut
by my best friends mom.  She had recently gotten a license to cut hair and
since we were to lazy to visit a real barber she became our new hair
cutter.  At the time I had the stylish "bangs in the front and hair over
the ears" cut.  Although I did not have a receding hair line all my
haircuts seemed to accentuate the "up and coming"--or so I felt.  This was
done by keeping the area where the hair line starts receding quite thin. 
Perhaps my hair is naturally thin there and I was just paranoid back than. 
In fact, I remember a time when she mentioned I would probably have a
receding hair line, like my best friends father who basically had no hair,
which in turn made me perceive I would succumb to such.  Anyhow...
     When I get up in the morning and look in the mirror I can not see my
face very clearly.  I plop on my contacts which have scratched my cornea
and made it difficult to see on numerous occasions.  From there I look
into my mouth and brush the 24 teeth orthodontics has so nicely provided
me with--such a straight smile.  As I shave my face I realize the many
dollars that have been lost to futile acne medications.  Finally after I
am all fixed up I grab my brush and begin to "fix" my hair.  All the while
I am thinking "first I lose my eye sight, then a few teeth, and a bit of
hearing, could my hair be next?  What will be after that?"  The statistics
according to the American Medical Association claim that 40% of men will
show some degree of hair loss by age 35.  This figure increases to 65%
among men 65 and older.  There seems to be nowhere to hide, either you are
losing your hair or you will be losing your hair.  
     Everyday people put on a mask to hide behind.  They live behind a lie
and in this case they do it for the sake of appearances.  This mask people
put on is their way of adapting.  As for me it's contacts and straight
teeth;  could the future possibly hold a hair piece or cosmetic surgery?
     Every so often, especially when I see a college aged student with a
super-receding hair line, I start thinking about male pattern baldness (or
alopecia androgenetica, a euphemism applause like's) and I wonder if I or
people I know are going to be a part of the above statistic.  Three key
factors that have a strong influence whether or not a person will be a
statistic are age, heredity, and testosterone.  Of course as we age we
will lose hair, some will not be replaced and thus we have natural
thinning.  As for heredity the best way to tell your "hair" future is by
seeing who in your family you most resemble--mom, pop--and then look at
their parents as well as brothers and sisters.  Heredity comes from both
sides of the family not just the mothers side--a common misconception.  As
for testosterone think of it this way, before you reached puberty you had
a full set of hair, after puberty you have an inadequate supply of hair. 
You are king of the jungle without a main, but there is always castration.

     In our "anything you want you can buy" society many have been
brainwashed to perceive things in certain ways.  Hair is a good example. 
Hair is an identity and when one starts losing their hair it can be a
stressful experience.  For many men when hair begins to go a sense of
control and general well being go along with it.  Fortunately (or
unfortunately) the 50 million people (30 million male) effected by
noticeable hair loss have options available to disguise or replace their
lost hair.  So nowadays, many are "fighting" back.  I can almost envision
a future where everyone is losing or has lost their hair but everyone has
hair.  This would be due to the fact that everyone seems to have hair and
those that start losing their hair quickly do something about it to
conform yet do not know everyone else has done the same because it is not
evident or talked about.  Thus the more advance our society becomes the
harder it shall be to distinguish between "real" and "fake."  This analogy
using "hair" can apply to other facets as well.  Getting back to viable
options...
     The choices available to those with noticeable hair loss, who chose
to do something, are surgery, toupee/wig, and drugs.  It is my opinion
(here I go again) that people should let nature run its course without
going to extremes--cosmetic surgery, liposuction, breast implants, etc. 
However, if I were out fighting for a "real" career job or whatever and
faced with a conform or die situation, well, lets just say I would not
die.
     The common surgery procedure can be one of two things, transplant or
scalp reduction.  In the transplant method small plugs or hair are
extracted from the back of the head leaving a hole like a popped zit and
placed appropriately.  This method is kind of like gardening, in fact
third eyebrow can be grown if one desires.  The other method consist of
pulling the hairless scalp tightly and removing the excess surgically. 
Thus by standard laws of mathematics:  less hair area = more hair.  The
price of this method was best summed up by a man named Fred who said he
knew a guy who was deciding whether to purchase a new Porsche or get a
hair transplant.  Luckily the guy was smart and decided on more hair--not!
     The best results can probably be achieved by the ever popular
toupee/wig/hair weave method.  I think the hair weaving process where the
hair piece is actually sewn to your existing hair is the best.  That way
you can be adventurous and not have to worry about things like wind, water
or being embarrassed by having the thing fall off.  The only bad part
about this method is that the hair weave needs to be tightened every 3-5
weeks at a cost around 24-35 dollars.  If not maintained right the 600-
1200+ dollar hair piece will end up looking like a rag on your head.  This
will probably become a future style for the lost punk generation. 
Properly maintained they are virtually undetectable.  Lately I have been
wondering if certain people have these "rags" on their head.  One person I
know is baffled by someone he thinks has a hair weave.  Currently he is
50% sure and now every time I see this person I am looking for a seem.  In
fact if no one told me I would have never know about William Shatner (Cap.
Kirk) and Burt Reynolds being bald.
     The final, and most natural, method consist of using a drug called
Rogaine which contains Minoxidil.  This drug seems to be Upjohn's "claim
to fame" with so many people now taking action against their hair loss. 
This drugs 48% moderate hair growth, 36% minimal regrowth and 16% no hair
regrowth sounds convincing enough to start up today.  The bad news (of
course where there is good news there is usually...bad news) is the cost
of around fifty bucks a month, the 6-8 months to wait for results and the
fact that once treatment is stopped the new hair will gradually fall out. 
This latter aspect is due to the fact that the drug is a treatment and not
a cure.
     Frustration, self-confidence, and vanity all lead us toward this path
of doing something about our hair loss.  Hair is an identity for most and
when lost the frustration factor and poor self image set in.  When punks
start losing their hair they become skinheads (joke).  The proverbial
horseshoe shaped fringe of hair awaits many a man who lounges about.  Ah,
but "Sam" the barber will fix that.  With limited options available the
common "poor bald man's" haircut is long on one side and flopped over the
top.  Since there is little margin for error a person with less hair
generally has to pay the same price as other customers with a full head of
hair.  In fact this type of haircut makes it obvious that the person would
like more hair on their head.  Live with hair loss or do something about
it if it upsets you, but do not make an obvious coverup is what I would
like to say to most of these people.  There, I said it.  One suggestion I
have for these people is go get a Kojack cut--a shaved head--then after
that get a tattoo.  Buy a leather jacket and look mean.  You know the ole
saying "If you can't join them at least you can look like you are against
them."
     Okay, so maybe my subtle humor gets a bit trite especially if you can
not envision "the joke" happening.  The cartoon that accompanies this
article describes a funny but unrealistic situation about hair.  One of
the characters has a receding hair line and another character views this
as something cool--like Mike Ditka's hair cut of "Da Bears."  His open
(perhaps immature by societies standards) mind allows him to see things
this way.  When he is told the "advantage" the haircut has in picking up
the opposite sex he gets a style similar to the guy with a receding hair
line--the exact opposite "hair" advertisers may lead consumers to believe. 
Thing about it, are you being manipulated or are you thinking for
yourself?
     I think as man evolves further you will see less and less hair,
therefore those with a receding hair line (high brow) are more evolved
(intelligent).  Maybe it only sounds good on paper, but it is always nice
to have an ego boost.  With the "health and fitness" revolution in full
swing there seems to be more concern about hair loss, especially with so
many options now available.  Like I always say, it's good to know it's
there even if you never need it.  With that I would like to end by saying
it is my hopes "you" do what "you" want and not be influenced so much by
what others would lead you to believe is "right" but do give it some
thought before doing what you do.  Got it--good.
     In the process of writing this article I discovered some interesting
tidbits I felt compelled to share.  The National Alopecia Areata Foundation
(NAAF) has been dealing with hair loss for over 10 years.  Their helping
people with the disease (hair loss) and searching for a cure.  The NAAF is
a nongovernment funded "helping you help yourself" organization.  Call
415-456-4644 for more information.  There is a 1-800 number set up to help
you find companies with 1-800 numbers for those of you that did not know
the number is 1-800-555-1212.  Give them the companies name and they will
tell you its 1-800 number if there is one listed.  That is how I found
Upjohn's (who produces Rogaine) number -->1-800-253-8600.  If you want to
know more about the surgery correction of hair loss call 1-800-326-HAIR. 
BJ's dimension, a place that deals with toupee's, hair pieces and stuff
gets the award for the most ironic location--right next to a gym.  Knowing
that steroids contribute to hair loss, among other things, I would say
that is a prime location.  I could almost "envision" someone from BJ's
promoting steroids.  Another interesting fact is that of all the places I
called approximately 70% of the time a female answered the phone.  The
euphemism award goes to, not alopecia, but tonsure which is a bald spot on
the crown of the head.  First a person has the proverbial M type hair
recession then the tonsure appears and when they meet we have the typical
"horse shoe" hair look.  Finally, the funniest expression I heard someone
say is "Wild Hair--five dollar hair cut, fifteen dollar hat!"